It's time for an update on things. Ready for brutal honesty?
Right now we're in the rainy season. That season that has us soaked right through everything we've ever known- all that's familiar.
At this point in life, we don't know the future. We have no idea where we'll be living in 6 months. Where we'll celebrate Christmas. What school will Luke start Kindergarten at. Will we be living with my parents, in an apartment, or buying another home? Will I be able to stay home with the kids? Where will we go to church? We have absolutely no idea what God has in store.
The funny thing? None of us do. You don't have to be in our situation to know this. It doesn't matter how safe life feels today- none of us know what tomorrow will hold. If this season of life has taught me anything it's this.
We get comfortable in our job, our life, our church. We find our worth in our paychecks and who we associate with. When all that is pulled out from under you it makes you question where you're focused. Is it to just get by? To pay the next bill? To say that I've done this or accomplished that? or is it on what really matters? Things that will last beyond the here and now. You know- eternal things.
And when you're living through the rainy season you have a lot of time to think; time to reflect on what's really important. Spending time with my family. Not just being present- but really focusing on them. Sitting on the floor and playing trains. Talking over dinner (even when little man talks so much it takes him 30 minutes longer than everyone else to finish). There will come a day when I will beg him to talk to me. To disconnect from technology when I'm holding a bottle. Playing with tiny toes instead of catching up on the news or responding to the last text message. One day those toes will be in places I wish I could go. Filling water squirters and having a war in the backyard even though I don't really want my clothes soaked through. We may not have a yard wherever we move. Listening to laughter, drying tears, and assuring little minds that shadows won't come out when he closes his eyes.
I'll be the line leader and admit that this is my first real rainy season.
As I look back at life I realize that I mostly saw change as a bad thing. Most of my childhood was changeless. I lived in the same house my whole life (the same house my parents still live in). My dad worked at the same job (the job that he still wakes up for at 5:30am everyday). We went to the same church, until that church grew a new church- and even there many of my friends were my "nursery" buddies. I always saw change as a sign of weakness; as circumstances you couldn't control. And if you can't control those circumstances, then surely you're doing something wrong.
But that isn't it at all.
The second a baby is born, it's growing and aging. It would be abnormal if we didn't change. Success is measured by change. Moving up in school-eventually graduating; achieving promotions. Sometimes we want time to move quickly; other times we wish it to stand still, but it never will. I didn't realize until this season that change isn't always bad.
Many times it's necessary, we just have to change our perspective.
When many people see the rainy season as a negative season I am choosing to see it positively. I need this time to grow, time to reflect. A time to be uncomfortable and to break away from complacency...
...because the glass really is half full.
See rainy seasons bring more than erosion, malaria, and food shortages. The rainy season brings fresh water. Vegetation thrives. Air quality improves. So I'll take a deep breath.
We're not going to wait for the storm to pass. If we sit around waiting, we'll be wasting time. So I'll pray. I'll pray for direction and healing. Direction for the next step on this journey. I'll journal and document this season. A season that I'll look back on in the years to come and remember what the Lord brought us through. This is our Red Sea. Our wilderness journey. When the Israelites didn't know how they would cross, He created a dry path. When they were wandering, hungry in the desert, He provided manna every morning. When they felt lost He guided them with a pillar of cloud by day and fire by night. The cloud protected them from the scorching sun and the fire kept them warm and allowed them to see even on the darkest nights.
We won't stay indoors because it's raining- we'll take this chance to dance in the rain. To let it overwhelm our senses and drench us through to our bones.
So as I take a deep breath and smell the fresh fallen rain I will choose to be thankful. Giving thanks doesn't come naturally in uncertainty.
I'll choose to be thankful on days that I wake up and I don't feel thankful. Days that are all running together. Days where I wake up hoping Josh will receive a phone call and go to sleep realizing that today was just like yesterday, and the day before, and the day before. No new news.
Rainy seasons don't disappear overnight. The only thing we can do to change our situation is to take the next right step. To be obedient and to trust.
The "T" word.
That doesn't mean to keep going and doing what we're doing and hope we'll catch a break along the way. It means to totally rely on the Lord for our next breath. To trust that He'll light our way. To believe Him when He says "Every word of God is pure; He is a shield to those who put their trust in Him." (Proverbs 30:5) The New American Standard Version uses the word refuge. To take refuge in something means to be safe and sheltered from pursuit, danger or trouble. What a promise to remember!!!
If this post was totally confusing you may want to check out this post.